How to Resolve Arguments

Arguments are a part of life, especially modern life.

We argue about trivial things, but the underlying emotions and thoughts are often anything but. If we are not careful, arguments become counter-productive and destructive.

In this article we will explore the concept of the logic ledge and ways to navigate arguments.

First of all, what is a logic ledge? Everyone has a threshold within a discussion. Beyond this point a person is no longer amenable to PURE reason. The person may still be responsive, but he or she is past the point of attaining the goal of conversing: Education and mutual validation.

You may have experienced this yourself. Think of a time when you argued with someone- Anyone. Did it feel like after a certain point that all you or the other person was trying to do was to validate oneself?

You may have thought you were trying to make a point. But what if that was exactly what the other person was trying to do? The temptation may have been to continue presenting what you want the other person to accept, but that often leads to more anger and loss of connection.

In that light, I offer that you recognize this turning point in a discussion. It’s called a logic ledge.

The rules of the logic ledge are simple:

If a person is outright enraged, the ledge is crossed.
If a person attacks or makes assumptions on another’s character, the ledge is crossed.
If a person uses sarcasm to discredit another’s argument, the ledge is crossed.
If a person uses a circular argument (the same points being presented in the same way) and refuses to acknowledge the other’s words, the ledge is crossed.
If a person uses violence or intimidation, the ledge is crossed.
If a person tries to elevate one’s own status against another with words, the ledge is crossed.

This ledge is the point at which further discussion using LOGIC become useless words at best, and creators of rifts at worst.

This ledge is the point at which silence becomes the golden impossibility and fury becomes the dark probability. It is a difficult point to turn back from. Difficult because we cannot utilize reason past this point, and thus it may appear that hope is lost.

Let me tell you that it is not.

Friends, I offer you an idea to consider.

The best way to overcome the gravity of the fury mounting within each argument is not through reason, but instinct.

Reason, the grand catalyst of civilization, is often but a shoddy outpost to an advancing tsunami of primal instinct. In daily life, we give reason too much credit for things we achieve through instinct.

Our jobs, character, and choices are often made on the basis of subconscious competency. A surgeon does not think about each incision or tie he makes, and he does not deliberate when there is a leak in a blood vessel.

The beautiful truth is that our intelligence extends beyond our concept of reason. The pathways of pleasure, pain, and reward are as reprogrammable as our daily thoughts. We can, and often do act on pure instinct.

The reason anger, lust, and addiction all triumph over human reason is because of our reliance on reason in its simplified form. Reason can help, but seldom does it help in the heat of the moment it self. Let it be known that no temptress, not even lust, comes close to wrath itself.

The key is instinctual discipline, which we can apply to resolve arguments simply and peacefully.

The three simple instincts that one can use to resolve arguments are:

Letting go of the need for validation.
Letting go of the need for triumph.
Opening up your emotions without fear for antagonism.

Some of us will naturally gravitate to one concept more than the others. Just know that all three require the surrender of the need to change others. Application of these actions is diverse.

For example, letting go of the need for validation may allow one to listen without a need to offer instruction or suggestion.

Reciprocally, opening up your emotions may permit a person to speak solely to unload tension, without the pressure to construct an articulate argument. This is useful if the initial speaker was speaking from an emotional perspective, or using the words as a way to connect or release emotions. Simply being a keen and empathetic listener is gift enough.

Letting go of the need for triumph opens up venues for a person to listen to the merit, rather than the tone of another’s words. This is the ideal way to have an unbiased conversation that is goal-oriented. Think of a conversation’s goal as discourse instead of debate. The former has no winners and losers. No arguments, only communication.

When the moment is heated, simply picture one of these three ideas.

Then act on it.

However do not overthink. Thinking leads to bias, and bias leads to antagonism. Antagonism inevitably leads to arguments.

You might think that you are right in your arguments. You may doubt others’ truths to protect your own. But someday you will find the truth, and THE TRUTH may or may not be what you think.

But remember one thing.

A person may not always remember what you said at a particular junction. But they always will remember the way that you made them feel.